Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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