Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
