I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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