I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
