M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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