Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
