just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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