How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
