I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
