hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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