i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
