We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
