You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
