remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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