just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dicks are not precious.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
