Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
