Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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