i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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