Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
