I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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