I bet he comes in French.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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