Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
