So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
