we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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