I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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