In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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