we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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