Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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