sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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