even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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