We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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