This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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