i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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