I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
