nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
