so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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