arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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