took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
