Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
