Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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