I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
