Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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