she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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