So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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