I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
