i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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