He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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