youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
