You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
