we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
