P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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