saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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