Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
