I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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