Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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