i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
