Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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