WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
